We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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