Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
PANTIES FOUND
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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