First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
