Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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