what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
