I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Watching her eat just hurts me
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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