Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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