When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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