last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Damn victory sex feels great
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
