You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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