I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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