Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
