Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
