he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
