do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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