so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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