He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
