Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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