Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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