he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
