After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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