she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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