We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
