I just saw a hot homeless man
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
