Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
did i just pee glitter
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
