Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
