I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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