Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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