drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
