i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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