grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
