You just made me feel so damn special
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I want to be your penis for a week.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
