My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
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