ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
wow bdsm is so cute
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
