STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
