They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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