chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
