Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize