I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
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