Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
