Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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