I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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