My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
