If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
