I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Randomize
