Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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