You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize