just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
