This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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