Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
