you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
