I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
