my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
