Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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