Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
