Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
