"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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