census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Randomize
