Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
