How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
