i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
