Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
