I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
