What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
